But I have also screwed up. Also often to my surprise. I have forced people to have my point of view. I have been timid and disconnected and I would rather run away from everything and everyone. I have been dishonest, first of all to myself, and to others. I have pleased others in order for them to like me. I have felt shame about it. Even recently.
This website shows some of my creations. The positive ones.
I am still finding a way to include my screwing up.
There is such a connection when people see that they are not the only one.
From that honest space, beautiful things happen. I have seen it over and over again.
My good friend Maik* told me recently about first meeting me.
I had just gone through surgery and was struggling with work and myself. He witnessed the change on his birthday party.
I had not seen Maik in person for some years. I had been invited to hang out for a weekend in the same house at a beautiful lake. He mentioned to his girlfriend that he sensed my presence when I would enter the group. “When you entered, you where there.”
It touched me deeply because I had recently been struggling with some timidness, especially in groups. I had just started to see that pattern more clearly.
Maik did not tell me I had to work on myself.
He just relayed the change he had witnessed and I recognized the truth of who I truly am.
He called out the qualities by looking beyond the conditioned patters. I deeply cherish our friendship because of such interactions.
This confidence is deeply needed on Earth.
Every little and great struggle starts with a certain timidness.
A looking away instead of honest looking.
Often, it is covered up by something that looks like confidence, but is not.
People, including me, despise it and from it has sprung a root of hatred
towards myself and others.
It is very subtle to see and the strong emotions that are involved cover the subtleties easily. However, the deeper the struggle, the greater the resources within that are available.
We are here to give ourselves. In the midst of struggle. Learn to hold nothing back. Honestly. Authentically. Weirdly. Messy. But it is so worth it.
If you can relate to this, do not hesitate to leave a message below.