Yesterday I got excited about hitchhiking. Today, there was no excitement, but I had myself dropped off at a gas station near the highway anyway. It was where I spent most of the day, trying not to worry, trying to ask people, making a sign and standing at the road, listening to Bentinho Massaro, my favorite teacher, feeling I was not worthy because I got no response from people, knowing that it was my own reaction being reflected back at me, not knowing how to change this, wanting it to be effortless, trying anyway, trying to stop trying, it was high traffic in my mind.
I had some good vibes going on in the beginning and it got rewarded by someone buying me a donut and giving me money for coffee. I had some people say “if I went there, I would have taken you”. That encouraged me.
After many hours, I got myself back on track by talking to people and telling them I was scared about asking people. They said they could understand, so that wasn’t helpful 🙂 Well, it was helping me in that I just said what was going on.
I sat down and started to look at my thoughts and emotions and calmed down. Then, I found a post on Facebook, reading the first paragraphs, about letting go of control, started to feel better, and then a guy asked me where I needed to go. He ended up driving me for 2,5 hours while he did not even needed to go their.
Now that I am dropped in the middle of nowhere, I sit in front of a restaurant using the internet. Now, I have much more clarity and I am actually glad for the experience. I can see how this experience is the result of the decision to get out of the comfort zone I have been in for some time – until I decided to travel. A good friend, Inge, wrote me a nice postcard with the words “Life is at the end of you comfort zone.”
When I am writing this, a man comes out of the restaurant with his family, He asked me earlier about my bags and my trip and he seemed to be full of energy and open minded, unlike a lot of other people that I see,
Now, when he comes out again, he asks me about the journey, tells me he is a paster, and after hearing about hte purpose of my journey, he says he wants to ‘sow into my life’, gives me 20 dollars and they say a prayer for me and move on.
It’s funny, yesterday I gave 20 dollars to guy that gave me a short ride when he told me he did fine arts school, even though it did not pay much. He was on his way to get rent money. I told him I love it when people follow their passion just because it is their passion. I love this stuff of giving and receiving!
I still do not know what I am going to do now…
Oh, and a waitress comes out to offer me something to drink. But I am going in to eat!
After eating, I thought of where to sleep and got excited about sleeping outside instead of booking a hotel room. The temperature and the breeze were so nice. I woke up this morning, blissful, after six hours of laying in the field behind some bushes without a mattrass. I was so excited that I had been able to do this! It gives me the sense that I am capable and that nothing can go wrong, wherever I am. Today, I am heading for Boulder!
After breakfast, I had the desire to swim, so I went to the hotel with the indoor pool and spa. I asked around, saw a flyer of a very nice swimming pool. They just closed, but the lady at the desk helped me find a health center where I could use the swimming pool and other facilities. I called for transport, number was busy, then a guy comes up asks me if I need a ride to the pool. In his car, he tells me he is heading west. I postpone the swimming idea because I like the guy and he drives me two hours west.
I did not swim yet but it got me a nice ride. Swimming and staying there would have been nice too, who knows where it would have brought me. So, now I am thinking of what to do next. It is getting more and more fun. Like when I did wild water rafting. It was scary in the beginning but after some rapids I got like “Bring it on!” 🙂
Got dropped off in the middle of anywhere and felt going to Subway, their stake&cheese, ooh! I wanted to see the movie Peaceful Warrior which I downloaded yesterday after reading some comments on my story in a Facebook group. What a movie! Very inspiring!
Sitting at the gas station reflecting and reading Bentinho say that serving others will get you out of too much focus on yourself. I’d like to serve others, I thought.
One minute later, a car pulls in making a lot of noise. I see if I can help her and go look inside the gas station for a screw driver. There is a customer before me that can’t pay for his drinks and snacks because his card is expired. He starts to put his stuff back in the shelves. I give him some money so he doesn’t have to put it back. “Why would you do this,” he asks. (Because it is fun!) I ask the guy if he has a screw driver and he looks in his car. Can’t find one.
A young man pulls in and I ask for he screw driver. He helps the lady with the car out and fixes her problem. In short: The other man finds screw driver, I ask lady if she wants it, young man drives off, lady on 6000 mile road trip happy, I go inside, buy water and Magnum Infinite Chocolate, the best I ever had!
There was a deal of buying two magnums but I thought it would be impractical. Did not see anyone I could offer it, so I only bought one. Next time, less thinking because I would have eaten them both myself! Better listen to your gut (pun intended) than to your mind.
I get at the diner and the woman there starts to think for me. What are you going to do when we close? You can’t stay out here, you got to book a room. This and that… I feel that I need to listen to my own inspiration. What does my heart say?
It says that things always work out for the best. It says that letting go of control brings life. It says that when other people say I can’t do it, it is not the truth. Oh, the movie Peaceful Warrior was so inspiring!
Now, I am here, in the middle of nowhere. I have helped two people and had fun! So, now what? How is it going to get even better than this?
I talked to a guy that I heard say that he had a God experience at a silent retreat that was an important moment in his life that helped him to trust more. I guess it is about having the clarity. Interesting.
When I walk out of the diner, I would really love a nice bed and a shower. I walk to the motel that’s supposed to be full on a vacation weekend, but the sweet lady has a room available. I saw her trying to water the grass this afternoon when I felt roaming around at the motel. I did not talk to her and she said: “You could have helped me with it!” Yeah, that was before I learned about serving others 🙂
I have a great shower in my private room and my clean bed.